How are your resolutions going? Mine are shaky at best!
This year I resolved to pick up one piece of litter each time I ran. I was doing fine, cleaning up Planet Earth in immeasurable, infinitesimal, invisible ways until one rainy day when I just didn't. It was cold, I was in a bad mood, and it was all I could do to even get my run in. Honestly, I think I forgot all about it.
Then, something happened. That rainy day caused a slippery slope. I kind of conveniently forgot all about the resolution, and several runs went by with nary a speck of litter picked up.
I realized this yesterday, as I came upon a small pile of trash in Narragansett. Spotting a garbage can in the distance, I picked up three things (thanks Dunkin Donuts), and redeemed myself... in my own mind, anyway.
When it comes to resolutions, "your own mind" can be both your greatest ally or worst enemy. The key is not to label a failed day as an overarching failure. We live one day at a time. So we try one day at a time. You failed one day, so what. It's abandoning the entire effort that's the true failure. You have the power to decide to try again.
But first, why do we even do this in the first place? The first people to make New Year's resolutions were the Babylonions, some 4,000 years ago. If they kept to their promises of being loyal subjects, good neighbors, and paying their debt, the gods would favor them. If they failed, well, any bad luck that befell them was therefore easily blamed. This little arrangement between action and fate really had sticking power, because here we are, 4,000 years later, still marking the New Year by resolving to eliminate behavior or incorporate a positive one.
For 2023, a Forbes Health/OnePoll survey listed the most popular goals as being:
Improved mental health (45%)
Improved fitness (39%)
Lose weight (37%)
Improved diet (33%)
Improved finances (30%)
Keeping resolutions is hard! Although almost half of us make them, very few actually make it through the year. In fact, some research indicates that 80% of folks give up their resolutions by February.
So, how do you make sure you are in the 20% that stick to it? Psychologists say to make your goal process oriented rather than outcome oriented. So, it's not about the outcome, but the small changes you're making to eventually hit that goal.
As an example, instead of, "I'm going to run the Blessing of the Fleet 10 Miler in July" you could say, "I'm going to add 1 mile to my run distance each month between now and July."
By breaking a goal up into small pieces, you're building a habit. Habits, both good and bad, take a while to create, so it's important to be patient.
The book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, goes into wonderful detail on how to create lifelong habits out of small daily choices.
The beauty of being in charge of your self-improvement is that you make the rules. If you fail, you can hop back on. Don't judge yourself for failing. Besides, it's much more fun to praise yourself for trying.
Also:
Make change measurable.
Have an accountability partner.
Be gentle with yourself. Yes, we already said that, but it's so critical we're saying it again. Failing once doesn't mean you've failed forever. Most likely whatever habit you're trying to undo took a while to build. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?
While June 1 is unofficially known as "New Year's Resolution Recommitment Day," there's no need to wait till June!
James Clear says it best:
"All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time."
Abraham Lincoln had a simple take on “failure”:
“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.”
So with that, here's to trying.
Here's to failing.
And, here's to getting up and trying again.